Friday, April 6, 2012

The Fighting Philosophers


Listening to: I’m Walking Away – Craig David (A coincidence, I swear! Not walking away from anything.)
Mood: In a serious procrastination funk. I have family coming over tomorrow and I’m pulling an ostrich

I got to talking to the hubby the other day about a health initiative in his company to get people talking about seeing health care providers to get checkups. To be sure, I have no part in corporate anything. I work but I’m a contractor, so the only office politics I have to deal with are my own. When my husband was telling me about this initiative my nose immediately wrinkled up in distaste. Why would a company care at all if people saw a doctor. I’m not talking about caring about their bottom line if employees are ill, I’m talking about actually caring as this was how it was being passed off as. My dear husband argued that the company did care about people. My husband is a corporate suit (and I love him for it), so he kind of has to drink the Kool-aid, for which I tease him on a regular basis. I called bull. We had a very spirited discussion about corporate motivations and being aware of others’ motivations. It later morphed into a discussion on social responsibilities.

I love having these chats with my husband. He is one of the very few people that I can have adult type intelligent conversations. We can disagree without anything being thrown, even though our views on things are quite often opposite. I am constantly reminded that my husband and I see eye to eye on many practical things like child raising, money, etc. Once we get into theoretical and philosophical territory, we couldn’t be more different on many, many things.

During our conversation, my husband looked at me in surprise and said that he couldn’t believe how much of a cynic I was. I looked back in equal surprise and wondered how we had been married for this long without that being glaringly obvious. I do believe I was born a cynic who grew into a realist. I replied back that I couldn’t believe that for an educated realist, he wasn’t more of a cynic. In this case ladies and gentlemen, a half empty glass on one side and a half full one on the other doesn’t equal a balance.

I’m glad we can have these discussions, even though the only things we walk away with are a better understanding of each other and the pleasure of having a good brisk discussion.  I always feel blessed when I’m reminded that I have a husband who respects me for who I am (well, most of the time anyways!) and that encourages me to always be better.

How do you deal with these kind of differences? Ignore them? Have rousing fights where you’re both throwing things and yelling? Discuss calmly and academically? Tell me, I’d love to hear your stories.

Becky

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Getting Back in the Saddle


Listening to: Bad Obsession - Guns N Roses
Mood: Calm, for now

A caveat: This post has sexual content. If you know me, are my mother, or are embarrassed by sex in general, you may want to skip it.

As I mentioned, my lovely ball and chain left for the US to take care of some urgent business. He has since returned to our home. As I also mentioned, it is taking us quite some time to get back on the same page
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I am a member of the loud and proud group when it comes to sex. I love it. I have never had any physical problems related to sex.  I can count on 1 hand the number of times I failed to get it up since I was 16. Yes, yes, I’m a girl, but we do have the equivalent. Not being able to get wet enough to enjoy it and not reaching climax counts as not getting it up in my book.

Let me tell you, people, we had a Sierra Desert situation going on the first time after he returned. It was just bad.  I’m not afraid of a little lube now and then, but that didn’t seem to help either. We awkwardly laughed it off as a hormone issue, even though I usually greet my husband much more enthusiastically after we’ve been apart. As I mentioned, I was apprehensive about his return. 2 months is a LONG time to be apart yo.

The next night, I decided we were going to try again. It was worse. My poor husband was sure that I wasn’t attracted to an old fart like him anymore (harumph, the man is 37, not 87) and I was freaking out that the sexuality that had so defined my post-puberty life was missing.  I’ve had 2 kids with very little drop of libido – in fact there’s an argument to the exact opposite – and I am desperately afraid of becoming the woman that loses her sex drive to kids and getting older.  The worst part of it, was that I wanted to want it, but just couldn’t. I felt much too estranged from my husband to get into it.

As I stewed and my husband pouted, we decided to go away for the weekend to spend some much needed time together as a family. I was anxiously googling all of the things that could be the cause. Ok, I get it, stress is a factor, but I needed solutions people, not just advice to relax! Looking back, this break was probably a good thing, but at the time it was a problem that needed solving, and how could we do that with all of us sleeping in the same room? We spent a great time together and I got to spend a little no-pressure time with the husband (he went back to work the day after he landed, so we really didn’t spend much time together until that weekend). After we got back home, I decided that I needed a little help catching my mind and body up to where I wanted them. Literotica is my go-to resource. I spent some quality time with that web site and was ready to go that evening. While it wasn’t as smooth as some of our encounters, we both counted it as a success.

We’re still not back to where we need to be with each other, physically or mentally, but we’re working on it. 2 months apart doesn’t disappear in a day.

What do you do to feel connected to your spouse after you’ve been apart? Any fun stories like mine to tell? I’d love to hear it.

Becky